I'm crying silent tears of frustration when all I really want to do is to scream and scream or push/throw something just to let out steam.
All I want is the freedom to be myself -- both my nice and not-so-nice-spoiled-brat self. I'm tired of tiptoeing around and keeping everything bottled in for the sake of an audience. I know I could go the other way and let it all out. I know I could. But I won't. Or I can't. 'Coz I'm just not like that.
The rough patches I can sail through as long as I have the privacy and my own space to regroup and to put everything in perspective.
Take that away and I'm lost. And frustrated.
4/15/2006
4/03/2006
April Fool
That's what I am (with the rest of the US and Europe, I think):0P
And Daylight Saving Time (which started yesterday) is the collective joke on us.
It really is quite foolish (not to mention, painful) trying to fool (there's the word again...) my body into thinking that it's already an hour later when in truth, it's not.
It's especially hard coz I usually wake up at 5.15AM on a weekday.
This morning, the alarm clock said 5.15 but my whole being knows that it's just FREAKING 4.15 IN THE MORNING.
***
Fallen.
And because of DST, I've fallen off the wagon.
Before today, I've been very good about keeping my coffee consumption low. It has been limited to a couple of sips in the morning, a tall, light coffee frappuccino twice a week (to help keep me awake during my study sessions), and usually a sip or nothing at all on weekends.
But today, today I reached an all-time high. A full cup in the morning and a tall tumbler filled to the brim, which I sipped throughout the day to keep me sane and awake.
By the time I came home from work, I felt like there was a gaping hole of fire burning in my gut.
Not good.
And Daylight Saving Time (which started yesterday) is the collective joke on us.
It really is quite foolish (not to mention, painful) trying to fool (there's the word again...) my body into thinking that it's already an hour later when in truth, it's not.
It's especially hard coz I usually wake up at 5.15AM on a weekday.
This morning, the alarm clock said 5.15 but my whole being knows that it's just FREAKING 4.15 IN THE MORNING.
***
Fallen.
And because of DST, I've fallen off the wagon.
Before today, I've been very good about keeping my coffee consumption low. It has been limited to a couple of sips in the morning, a tall, light coffee frappuccino twice a week (to help keep me awake during my study sessions), and usually a sip or nothing at all on weekends.
But today, today I reached an all-time high. A full cup in the morning and a tall tumbler filled to the brim, which I sipped throughout the day to keep me sane and awake.
By the time I came home from work, I felt like there was a gaping hole of fire burning in my gut.
Not good.
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