Month One

I won't be showbiz and say that the past month has been wonderful. Honestly, it has been more of a roller coaster ride -- physically, emotionally and, yes, even mentally.

Motherhood surprised me. No, surprise is too tame a word to use to describe how completely taken aback I was. So let's rephrase that -- motherhood sucker-punched me right in the gut.

The first week at home, I found myself swinging from total amazement in having this sweet, sweet boy in my arms, still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that he came from me to being overwhelmed and questioning my ability to care for him.

When I was pregnant, I spent days muddling through our finances, tweaking things left and right to make sure that we can afford the new addition in the family. I read books and websites about what to eat, how to stay healthy etcetera, etcetera. But none of the things I did or read prepared me on how to handle the important things -- like what to do when your alone, your baby is screaming bloody murder every time you put him down and you desperately need to go to the bathroom or even how to handle the pain of (too much info coming up...) cracked and bleeding nipples while trying to give your baby as much time as he needs to nurse his fill.

This first month was all about doubts, dreams, adjustments, learning, laughter, tears, patience and love. That's also one thing that the books forgot to warn me about, that overwhelming, tear-inducing, heavy in the chest feeling every time I look at him, a tidal wave of love that just crashes over me.

So yeah, I guess I'm not one of those women that was born for motherhood -- the ones that say I wouldn't trade the first few weeks for anything else because frankly, I would trade the first few weeks for a nanny to be at my beck and call and a more jaw-resistant pair of nipples :0P But I wouldn't trade this little guy for anything in this world...