The dawn of realization.

I've been having a bad case of holiday blues lately. Which, when I think about it, is weird, given the fact that it's my second Christmas here. Last Christmas was a little lonesome, yeah, but I don't recall feeling this homesick.

I guess part of it is the fact that it was still all so new to me. I was so engrossed in all these things I needed to do to establish myself here that I never got to fully comprehend how big a step it was that I took. I didn't have time to think about what I was losing, what with all the immigration appointments I had to go to, all the requirements I needed to meet to get licensed, all the big and little things I had to get used to to settle down.

I figured this was bound to happen sooner or later. The realization of how much I needed to give up in order to get to where I am right now. No regrets, just an overwhelming sadness at times.

I remember a song on the Wicked, The Musical OST that totally captured it all...

That's why I couldn't be happier
No, I couldn't be happier
Though it is, I admit
The tiniest bit
Unlike I anticipated
But I couldn't be happier
Simply couldn't be happier
(spoken) Well - not "simply":
(sung) 'Cause getting your dreams
It's strange, but it seems
A little - well - complicated
There's a kind of a sort of : cost
There's a couple of things get: lost
There are bridges you cross
You didn't know you crossed
Until you've crossed
And if that joy, that thrill
Doesn't thrill you like you think it will
Still -
With this perfect finale
The cheers and ballyhoo
Who
Wouldn't be happier?
So I couldn't be happier
Because happy is what happens
When all your dreams come true
Well, isn't it?
Happy is what happens
When your dreams come true!

Well, this must be the kind of sort of cost...